to earthward
by Mae'side
Summary: There were some things, Merlin thought, that should be banned from happening on bright April mornings. minor-but kind of major-character death; Merlin and Arthur; friendship and comfort. Please let me know what you think? Xo, as always


**A/N : Hey guys! Two updates in one day - I know, right? Anyway, so this one is kind of sad. But it seems I had to get it out of my system. I really hope you enjoy it; it was really therapeutic to write.. Also, I know Gaius is TOTALLY a major character, but I was afraid that if I put major character death, some people might think that I'd kill off either Merlin or Arthur. Which I'm never going to be able to do. **

**Please let me know what you think? As always, the promise of virtual cookies and cake awaits you... *smile***

**Xo, as always  
>Mae'side<strong>

Merlin

There were some things, Merlin thought, that should be banned from happening on bright April mornings. When a dark and sombre month turns beautiful, it follows that this particular miracle should bring with it only more sunshine and flowers. More birdsong in the trees surrounding the all-of-a-sudden pure white walls of the castle, but not this. Everything should've been nice and wonderful – not this heavyweight darkness that threatened to push him down to pit of an already ink black ocean.

He felt unable to breathe, but he forced himself to. Commanded his legs to move, his feet to walk and his mouth to speak the words he had always dreaded to say. "Gaius is dead."

Uther raised his eyes ever so slowly, as if a force held him back from doing it. Merlin noticed the presence of pain and sorrow in the orbs that had up to then been mostly filled with bitterness and hatred. They had been friends, in a strange sort of way. Secrets between them had still been ever so present, but there had been forgiveness and understanding, too.

"How did this happen?"

He didn't know. In the morning he had woken up and skipped down the stairs connecting his room to the main laboratory, and there he'd been – Gaius. Still in bed, his skin colder than ever before. His eyes opened – but not in fear. He'd seemed so at ease, which should have made Merlin feel slightly better. Yet it didn't.

He couldn't even think, or listen, or respond while Uther explained to him how he needn't worry about anything, anything at all. Gaius was to be given a royal farewell. He had served his kingdom with honour, Uther said. _He had been a great man. _

The past tense was like a knife that cut open his skin, sliding easily from the middle of his chest towards to very tips of his fingers. It left a tingling sensation in its wake, which remained until Merlin returned towards their chambers.

The emptiness was screaming.

Arthur

He was just about to race through the castle, his mouth already preparing itself for what was sure to be another shouting match with his servant, when his father entered his room. As usually, the king didn't bother to knock, and Arthur was going to comment on this when the look on his face stopped him. Uther looked thin and stretched out; older than he had been mere hours ago during dinner. Those memories seemed like ghosts now, taunting the image of the person before him.

"Arthur," he began. "I need to speak to you."

"Of course." He motioned for his father to sit down next to him on the bed, surprised when he didn't even look him in the eye while he explained what had happened. _Gaius. dead._ Oh god…_Merlin._

"Merlin?" his own voice sounded as fragile as his father's, the one word filled with sadness and worry.

"I could not read him." His father finally turned to him. It seemed that these circumstances had accomplished something that years of effort had not been able to : his father had, upon losing a friend, understood the bond between his son and the idiotic, bumbling servant boy. "You should go to him."

But what would he say? What _could _he say now, in the darkest hour? It felt like a big test of friendship, and while he walked the steps to the laboratory, he prayed that his heart would do the trick for him. _Don't think_, he told himself.

Thinking would not be the problem – for his mind deserted him completely. There were books and papers strewn all over the floor, almost as if a whirlwind had been at work here, and in the middle of it all there was Merlin, frowning with the greatest intent.

"Merlin…"

"Gaius was going to erm –" Merlin's empty eyes only briefly connected with his; it seemed all that was allowed. "to alphabetise." He shrugged. "I figured I would.."

Arthur made his way towards were his friend was standing, placing a hand on his shoulder. "You don't have to do this," he quietly said.

"I know," Merlin answered, shaking his head. "But I don't know what to do."

_This was it._ The one moment where Merlin needed him more than he ever had before, and it was up to Arthur to make sure he was okay, now. About time to show how much he really cared. "Merlin, look at me."

When he only received a sideways glance in return, Arthur reached around and turned Merlin himself, letting the movement slip into the hug they had needed for so, so many years. "I'm sorry," he whispered, his face right beside Merlin's. "I'm so sorry, Merlin."

Merlin trembled in the embrace before wrapping his arms even closer around Arthur, clinging to him as if it was the only thing that kept him from falling. They stayed like that for a few minutes before Merlin pulled back, his eyes wet with all the unshed tears he had been holding in for so long.

He let out a sad chuckle. "You hugged me."

"Yeah, well, I figured it was about time." Arthur's hand travelled to Merlin's shoulder again, steadying him. "Now what else can I do?"

Merlin

Arthur stayed. The whole of the afternoon, they rifled through Gaius' work, trying to make sense of it all. Despite the horrible events of the day, Merlin felt safe for a while, surrounded by meaningful clutter, standing beside his best friend in the whole world. They took a break for a while, sitting on the wooden floor, their backs against the heavy walls that sheltered this room.

"You know," Arthur said, "this place is actually quite nice." He smiled. "It's cosy."

It was. It was beautiful, with the sunlight still streaming through the high windows and the smell of old, worn books. It was home. "Yeah." A sudden thought entered his head. "Will I have to leave?"

Arthur looked at him as if he were crazy; an expression Merlin had to say he was getting used to, and right now, he wouldn't trade it for the world. "Of course not. This is your home, Merlin. We'd never take that away from you."

"Thanks." He threw the set of papers he'd been holding aside, his hand travelling to cover his eyes. "I can't believe he's gone."

"I know. He was a great man." He paused. "And he really loved you."

Merlin smiled sadly. "I know."

Arthur

The day of the funeral was bright and sunny – and Arthur's heart ached at the mere sound of birdsong, so glorious in the morning sky. His eyes sought Merlin, alone now, but flanked by Guinevere. She, in any case, appeared more _in need of_ comfort than being able to provide any. It was a royal event, as promised – and Arthur was made to wear his official robe and stand beside his father; the rulers of the kingdom. It was more than right to show Gaius this honour, but Arthur felt like he was wrong to stand here, seemingly so disconnected.

And so, mindful of everyone tracking his every movement, he walked over to where Merlin was standing and rested beside him.

Faithfully. Always.

* * *

><p><em>What did you guys think? I *really* hope you liked it!<em>

_Xo, as always  
>Mae'side<em>


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